hard time

Assalamualaikum.

Hari ni dengan rasminya aku jadi pelajar prauniversiti atau ting enam bawah di smk puterijaya.Nampak senang kan?Tapi lepas satu satu benda jadi. Sekolah tu dengan rumah aku jaraknya lebih kurang dua puluh kilometre dari rumah.

And the public transport is suck.Terus terang aku kata tak mungkin aku dapat bertahan lama dekat situ.tak mungkin.sekolah dekat pusatbandar.sesak.

TIba-tiba aku rasa dunia macam kejam dengan aku..entah macam mana nak sekolah esok.dari rumah nak ke sekolah pon ambil masa satu jam..nak minta tukar sekolah kena tunggu. lama..aku akan cuba bertahan untuk enam bulan ni and after that buhbye kl.

I am so sorry

Assalamualaikum.

I am so sorry.I mean it. like really really mean it. I might look strong from outside but the truth i m broken inside.I need to shade my tears while writing this entry.Believe me its not that i dont want to answer your call.Its not that i dont want to reply your messages.But i dont have the courage to hear or read your message that full of symphatethic quotes.

Until the right time.when i had the courage to face it then i will be back.But from now on let this blog be the source of connection between us.Guys,I am so sorry. I know that i am selfish and its not about you.it is about me.The girl that look strong but the truth she's nothing.I dont know who i should put the blame on.I need to point this to somebody.I really need it.So that the guilt inside me will be vanish away.But i dont have anyone.

The guilt.The guilt of not being a good daughter that my mom and dad can be proud of.Its not something that you could understand.i am shattered into piesces.And only time could heal it.I m tired of faking a happiness when i dont have it.I cant do this anymore.I am so sorry.

I have the ambition.I want to make my mom proud of me somehow.But when all of this happen..what can i do?I am no one.But i know that i am lucky enough to have you,you,you and you.Lucky enough to have a parents that tried so hard to hide their dissapointment from me.I am so sorry.

st4e.I didnt mean to neglected all of you.Because you are one of my source of happiness.Its not your fault.Sorry that i cant made it this twelve may..I am so sorry.

I am so sorry.

kecewa untuk kali ke berapa?

Assalamalaikum.

hari ni keputusan upu keluar.and guess what aku tak dapat mana-mana.Penat aku menangis hari ni.mula-mula tak dapat temuduga TESL,then tak dapat matriks then tak dapat ipg and lastly upu yang aku harapkan pon tak dapat.Malangkan nasib aku.

Terus-terang aku masih tak boleh terima semua ni.teruk sangat ke result spm aku? mungkin ya..so aku masih lagi dalam proses menyembuhkan hati yang berkecai teruk sebab semua ni. sorry sebab buat masa ni aku malas nak angkat phone malas nak balas mesej. malas nak dengar kata-kata simpati dari kawankawan.

yupp.so facebook pon sama.sampai la satu saat bila aku boleh terima ni semua aku sendiri yang akan cari korang.I dont want my friend to see how broken i am. i have faith. so esok aku kena daftar form six.Mungkin rezeki aku kat sini kot..aku kene struggle so aku boleh berdiri sama tegak dengan kawankawan aku yang lain.

salam sayang.

Aku Tak Mesra.

Assalamualaikum:)

Terang lagi bersuluh apa yang aku tulis ni nak menceritakan tentang ketidakmesraan aku.Well aku ni sangat mesra sangat peramah dengan orang yang kenal dengan aku.Dulu waktu aku kecik-kecik aku ni mesra nya masyaAllah Dulu aku ni banyaknya cakap,banyaknya soalan sampai la satu hari ni ada sorang makcikni cakap 'ika ni banyak cakap kan'. Then aku sentap ar.Sentap like oh em gee.Malunya aku.Dah ar dia cakap depan anak lelaki yang dia yang memang super awesome dulu.Dulu ok:)

So,bertitik tolak dari situ aku kurang sikit ar bercakap.Tapi aku jadi sinis.Orang tu cakap baik je tapi aku ni jenis emotional lebeh terus sentap..Cepat je aku sembur orang tu.Waktu aku sekolah rendah kan.Aku ramai kawan la..Sebabnya dulu aku duduk kelas A kawan baik aku duduk kelas B so secara tidak langsung aku memang rapat dengan budak duadua kelas ni.Aku just nak cakap dulu aku ni ramai kawan. Muahaha.

Tapi satu lah..Dari dulu sampai sekarang aku memang tak berapa la dengan budak lelaki.Seriously yang okey dengan aku okeyla tapi tak rapat la.Aku memang tak berapa lah dengan makhluk Allah berlainan jenis ni. Aku memang super tertarik dekat diaorang.Memang lelaki handsome aku tak lepas pandang. Tapi nak rapat nak pegangpegang nak pukulpukul is like eww.. Diaorang lalu belakang aku pon aku geli wey. Tapi bila masuk alam damai ni macam dah immune dengan budak laki ni.Kejayaan aku duduk alam damai kelas campur ni aku tak pernah pegang lelaki dan diorang pon tak pernah pegang aku.

Aku ni tak mesra.Ada la satu hari ni kawan aku interview budak kelas sebelah..siapa yang paling sombong and diorang jawab 'afiqah.dia tu macam poyo sikit ar'HAHA aku terasa okey time tu tapi kene la pandai coverkan.Bukannya aku ni sombong ke apa.Takkan lah aku tibatiba nak cakap dengan orang yang aku tak kenal or tak rapat pasal hobi dia atau apa nama pet dia? Eww. So not me.

Tapi dengan perempuan aku ok je.Boleh bersembang.Orang tanya sepatah aku jawab berpatah-patah. See aku tak adala sombong cuma aku tak berani nak menjalinkan hubungan dengan stranger.Dekat facebook pon aku approve aku biar..Sampai masa aku delete.Tapi kalau orang tegur aku jawab la jugak kan. Takadala aku ni jenis menyombong tak bertempat.Aku pernah taw macam ada scandal dekat fb.Muahaha tapi cukup la sampai scandal je..hee~

Blogger pon.Aku jenis yang tak suka nak blogwalking tak suka nak commentaku suka jadi low profile. Suka jadi silent reader or stalker. Entah mungkin aku perlu berubah kot..jadi mesra sikit..kan?

the love one:)

my love:)

Assalamualaikum.

There is something i can brag about.My family.Yeah i love my family very damn much.Who doesn't?But I mean i really do love my big family.No doubt.Those pictures above was my moms siblings,nephew,my cousin. Yeah sometimes they did annoyed me.But the feelings of love covered everything.haha:)

i l o v e y o u  ♥

Miserable and drawning deep down

Assalamualaikum.

Ya Allah i am so sad.I didnt get the interview for TESL and interior design at UiTM.It had been my dream since forever and now i had already lost the chances.Its like a big slap on my face.Dang! I am so frusturated.I even cried infront of iman.I am really lost in my own ambition.

Seeing my friend updating their status saying they get an interview slicing my heart even more.Pathetic.Yup thats me.But people keep telling bukan rezeki or rezeki bukan dekat bidang tu.But the facts is everytime people ask me afiqah what is your ambition i would quickly answered english teacher or translator or technical writer but now..

I do know that Allah have a better plans for me.Allah have planned everything for me.But deep inside my heart the feelings of dissapointed wont go away..

Have a faith afiqah:)

immersed

Assalamualaikum.

Hye.It is my very first post after SPM result right?Alhamdulillah.To tell you the truth my result is pretty bad.Every time i told the other people about my result they are speechless.Not the comfortable silence but the silence when you dont know what you should say or maybe suprised?

How about my mom responses?Ah I received the message from 15888 on 10.01 a.m.Then I called my mom and told my mom about my result then she just off the phone.Yeah that is the worse isnt it? But my mom was driving that time.haha.Yeah my mom is the first person i told about the result.Ahh.I didnt take my result.I found it out from the SMS.haha.Yupp so i dont get the chance to peluk-peluk my friend when i saw my result meh.

Somehow i am very thankful to the one ALLAH for everything.When i knew my result i can see the path of the future.Haha.metafore.I mean if i get straight A's then I will never gonna choose TESL.of course la i want to take medic or engineering eventhough i am not interested in it.Haha.but Alhamdulillah cause of  my result i know that TESL will be the right one.I hope that i get the course i want.hmm.

I watched the MHI and Dato'Fazilah Kamsah said that to find the right course you need to based on three things.First of course lah your result,second your talent and your interest.And based on this three things i got two main course that i want TESL and interior design but my mom said choose TESL.Then TESL it is.

How about my ambition?Well most of my friends knew that my ambition will changed based on my mood my hobbies or anything else.Haha.Tak tetap pendirian.I knew..But after having heart to heart talk with my private counsellor,my own mom,she said that find a job that will give you benifit in the world and hereafter.Dunia dan akhirat.emak:) thank you

So,here i am waiting for any offer from ipta,Please pray for me:)

21 March 2012

Assalamualaikum

i was surfing the internet about the upcoming spm result and found a forum about it.most of the 2011 SPM candidates was freaking out to death.Then i remembered about writing an article about 'failing an exam doesnt mean you will fail in life'

When i wrote the article i put an effort on it.because it was an article for monthly test if i am not mistaken..but counting days to 21 march put me in those situation.I am totally scared about next wednesday but my mom keep telling me i have done the best i can and i have put an effort on it.

Every time i brought this topic on she keep saying that let by gone be by gone.She keep telling me to tawakal and dont stop praying.Somehow it make me calm.I really hope that i got an excellent result but i cant lose hope when im failing aint tha right?

The only thing i really need right now is a doa from my parents my siblings my relatives and my friends.Please pray for me.The rest of it what I need to do is tawakal.Believe me SPM is not the end of it.I m scared.I am afraid and frightened on what will the result turn on to be but i had put a maximum effort on it.

Be optimist.I hope when i felt down seeing my result on wednesday this post will give me the strenght i need.

Friends, when i am failing will you comfort me?